Jo. For years, I was overcome with shame and humiliation, really believing that if I had only been "good" enough my boys wouldn't hate me so. I just want to say I support you mothers who are alienated from your children. First, I am so sorry for what you have been through. I try to respond to people who comment on my blog when they write about their personal PA story. If your mom really isnвЂ™t really being alienated and is trying to turn you against your father (whether consciously or unconsciously), maybe just ask if she would go to counselling with you. 4. Just would be sad if it is merely she is having a hard time coping, knowing how close you are to the father, and is being abandoned simply for that. This is a living he**. May 1, 2017 - Spending time with a parent who suffers from narcissistic personality disorder is rarely in a child’s best interest. You contact people on our friends' lists on facebook and try to be sneaky and tell horrific lies, not to mention that fact that you can't even spell my name right when you do it. Alienation can happen to either parent and it hurts both the child and the parent, both mothers and fathers! Especially if prior the father didnвЂ™t have much involvement with the kids and the mother did most of the mom type things (changing diapers, taking care, etc). Ladies, come and join the MAMA Alliance by LIKING, posting and commenting on the page. This even can occur even at the thought of having half their access taken away. A week later I had just arrived back from work to find my daughter who was then was only 2 years and 9months old distressed. I try to respond to people who comment on my blog when they write about their personal PA story. If the guy is drunk you can leave or tell him to get into rehab or you leave. That really made me angry and I said firmly and with all authority that his father should not tell him things like that. This problem is not only about parental alienation. I recently tried to contact a grown grandson only to gave him say i was lying because his grandmother is dead. I left a abusive husband of 34 years, which they did not see, he would abuse me behind closed doors,emotionally, spiritual ly, n physically.I can only see grandkids when he is their, and he puts on his show of doing husband. He would never talk bad about her. So was my x and my current. I work with a lot of parents whose children are now adults. Are you seething with resentment at the father of your children? All I can say is it is hard to know and depends why your mother feels alienated (or if she even is). Now when I see kids raking leaves, I want to take pictures! I appreciate your honesty and your relentless persistence, only love can do that. Now on the flip side, i have two step-sons and their mother … I am an alienated mother. There was only one problem with her logic: My Dad would never talk about my mom with me (except to get something done). This may be one of the primary reasons that it is so difficult (if not impossible) for us to get others involved in our cases. Can Parental Alienation Occur Beyond Parents and Kids? Sorry to hear that you're suffering with this, too. How I Controlled Communication With My Narcissistic Mother, Psychology Today © 2020 Sussex Publishers, LLC, 3 Simple Questions Screen for Common Personality Disorders, Research Suggests Coronavirus Causes a Storm in the Brain, What to Do About Vaccine Hesitancy During COVID-19, New Findings Reveal Benefits of Ketamine for Depression. It is as if my abusive ex-husband is inside my daughter. The wish is to win the child to their own side so that they will be permanently allied with them against the other. Feel free to reach out to me via my website if you want more information about parental alienation. Many stay silent for this reason, to avoid being blamed and shamed. I was so relieved, I thought he would now end this vendetta of negativity and we could be friends for the children sake. My daughters continue to white wash their dads and publically bash me on facebook and to all of my family members. But mothering, Never has an end-date." But only want my daughter with me so I may see her. My daughters have different dads. The weekend before we had the kids raking leaves. First, I am so sorry for what you have been through. Children are impacted in a variety of ways when their father uses them as a tool to control their mother. How children are impacted depends on their age, the kind of control and manipulation they experience, the strength of bond they have with their father, mother and siblings and the degree to which their father undermines those bonds. MAMA. I actually think there needs to be research into whether normal loss of access to children causes women to experience PTSD or other symptoms. In situations where a mother stops a father from seeing his child, it is important for both parties to know their legal rights for it to be resolved in the best way possible for the child. Read More: Reasons to Deny Custody In the meantime, I encourage all parents (mothers and fathers) to become educated about parental alienation, to help create awareness in their community, and to work towards improving prevention, intervention, and treatment of this terrible form of child abuse. Too often custody cases get bogged down in whether the problem is real rather than focusing on how to resolve the alienation and help heal parent child relationships. It is really hard on occassions like today, especially when one appreciates how time passes all too quickly, to "take the high road", keep "positive" and optimistic. I am now well into the room called "Senior". Bless you. Parent's like us are whiners to the legal system My x even went to court with the story that i was dead.. Barbara Kay: Rare justice sees mother punished for using children as weapons against Dad. I do work with many mothers who have been alienated. One guy beat me and never ever worked, one was a drunk & drug addict who never paid a single bill, rent food, clothes... nothing. Even if she has another partner, the children rarely accept the new father totally. There's a lot of abuse out there! I just am so lost and am looking any advice what so ever to do since you have been a child in the situation.all I want and dream about is seeing my daughter and raising her. You can even tell her to get counselling if she canвЂ™t back off and stop projecting onto you that repetitive story. You are the one with the right. If you think about it in a logical way instead of in the current legal way, its really not natural to say to a woman вЂњHey, due to legal fairness and laws, you will only be able to see the fruit of your loins 1/2 the days of the week and the father that didnвЂ™t really change diapers or do this or that is going to take the child the other 1/2 of the time.вЂќ And you have to think if a woman can be okay with that, does she lack an attachment to her child or is being forced to go against her biological instincts (which is unnatural to some degree). They have good lives but seem to continously make the wrong decisions and when the results of those decisions are bad, they blame the mother for what they believe she did, or didn’t do to them when they were growing up. I try to respond to people who comment on my blog when they write about their personal PA story. You who caused so much pain to her own son because he would go along with the lies that his father killed people. Women get blasted for being alienating when if people had more understanding about biology perhaps they could get the proper understanding and support instead (in a way that helps fathers not to be alienated or etc). Why did you chose one bad man after another. I never got why do women pick guys like that. I just keep texting him because I'm just not gonna give up unless he changes his number or something. Second, I do offer telephone coaching for targeted parents. Please, just leave us alone. My Mom, however, would always complain about my Dad. The father can file a contempt order to show cause against the mother … The only good that came out from this marriage was the birth of two more children. Family Law Lawble-20 August 2018 0. Why do you go with some guy who never worked? Thinking back I should have challenged him for talking to my daughter rather than me. My email is firstname.lastname@example.org if you ladies would like to chat. If the mother refuses to follow the order, she may be held in contempt. What kind of person resorts to the manipulation of a young child in turning her against her mother? Here is a woman's fail-proof guide to ruining your ex using Family Court. Yesterday was my birthday. Family connections? As someone who works as a relationship coach, what I have noticed that it is pretty universal for women to become easily traumatized or hyper-emotional even at the thought of losing a child. What makes a woman think she can use her children as a weapon to hurt their father? And yes i am bitter... wish i never had kids. Your Mom may not make as much as your father, and alimony may be low. You are an inspiration x. I want to know where is the answer to fathers who alienate daughters mothers and purposely, mentally, psychologically drive their mothers out of the daughters life. I genuinely thought that he loved us so much, that he poured his heart out to her and was crying because he did not want to leave us. Not worth sacrificing the rest of your life over ungrateful betraying kids! I didn't tell my sons about the abuse, because I didn't what them to think I was alienating them from their father. Do I just sit back and take it? (albeit whiners who are the sole reason that lawyers can floss their BMW's across town). I know well the effects. So glad i got over the whole SICK fiasco! All I can say is well done and thank god you came out good and your dad stood by you. Not saying fathers not seeing kids is fair (nor do I support his and I get angry with women who I see want to alienated the fathers and take all their money for child support). Whilst I am still writing my book for myself and other mums alienated from their children and keeping an eye on the whereabouts of my alienated son. Alice is quite good expressing her thoughts, it is the Queen that drags her in mental circles. In the larger scheme of things, children without fathers are … Another complicating factor is that many women's rights group denounce the existence of parental alienation, claiming that it is a fabricated problem designed to hurt mothers. A potpourri of Family & Child Protection Issues. I can't be afraid to set up structure in my house just because my ex is willing to exploit that. She has two children I have never met. You don't know her and are not qualified to judge her. There is a question of loyalty, trust and parenting on common ground. Ah, sweet. My son has ex-communicated me from his life. To an easily influenced child/person, this could be a convert way of doing this while still looking like the good (guy). Open mobile menu ... the courts are biased against fathers, rarely lose their kids this way. Thus, women seeking support and guidance from these groups may be given the message that they are mistaken and/or must stay silent. My mother is a narsisist (sp?) While I did see my two teenage sons yesterday, the emotional distance that they keep from me always pierces my heart and causes me desperate sadness. Then i found out he was a pimp. I appreciate that you read and commented on my blog. The truth is usually there. The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly. It is awful to live life this way and I struggle with it each and every day. If by moving away the mother is attempting to distance the child from his or her father, the father can then file a motion to enforce his custody and visitation rights. Please come to our page and join the effort in fighting for mothers who are alienated from their children. If you were unmarried at the child’s birth, but have established paternity, you can seek custody rights to your child. It looks like this has been around for a long time. Their poor dads! First, I am so sorry for what you have been through. A court will presume that you’re the father if you and the child’s mother were married when the child was born. Did you ask him about his job. Needless to say I let him stay and married him. I hope your well and look forward to a response soon. You can find out more about that on my website www.amyjlbaker.com. Why are so many people drawn to conspiracy theories in times of crisis? How forcefully was child support pursued and for what amount or was it fair? The cards will arrive late because the lady who looks after "In honour of ..." cards was on vacation. She couldn't let the past go and kept repeating stories of how he hurt her. I have come across a site that seems to support moms. She's been lied to about her father and now is finally coming to the conclusion that it's her mother that's the liar. There ! Hi, Jo - But the 'if only' thinking strategy only leads me down the rabbit hole. Yes, your right. Take care Helen, Hi, Helen - According to the 2009 U.S Census Bureau Statistics on custodial mothers and fathers… Coparenting With an Ex: Battleground vs. Common Ground. Divorcing parents who poison children against their former partner could lose custody 'The demonising of a parent, usually by the one with whom the child lives, has … The mother would need to prove to the court that the father is somehow unfit as a parent, or that his involvement is not in the child’s best interest. He was not the father of my daughter. When mothers keep ending up with rotten men, everyone usually goes with it that it's really just her and the poor guys! Perhaps you should ask her why she can't hold her tongue. “For a father will be divided against his son and son against his father, mother against her daughter and daughter against her mother, mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law.” GOD'S WORD® Translation A father will be against his son and a son against his father. First, I am so sorry for what you have been through. ... My niece is 16 now and has been through a world of hurt because of her mother. One last thing - I have written 2 books on my divorce and got sued for libel- which he dropped when he realized he didn't have a case. How on earth are we going to climb this Everest? You can find out more about that on my website www.amyjlbaker.com. For the daughter who blames her mother, you could only know the full truth through examining court documents. Hopefully this disease will be named 'offically' quite soon and these perps will be put in the corner into which they must be placed to face their fears which drive them to control others. The children are educated and have good careers because the parents expressed the need for a good education when they were growing up. After over 14 years, it is unlikely that reunification will ever happen. For the past 6 years, i was denied overnight visits despite a half inch thick stack of copies of court ordered parenting classes and counseling. That is not how it went down. If you chose to pick some unfit person then you made a mistake. IвЂ™m sure it is hard for them too, especially since society says вЂњdonвЂ™t hurt women, you are supposed to be their protectorsвЂќ and so they have difficulty standing up for their parental rights or going against women in court etc etc (though women can and do become targets for PA). You are the unfair one. On father's day I will certainly acknowledge the risks and concerns that they contend with concerning parental alienation. I'm a writer and would be interested in sharing some of my story with you if you're still writing your book - mothers need to know about this. There are so many books written on daughters who want with their moms and just want to be daddy babies... Often my daughter will say odd things to my partner and me which indicate she is being primed and copying her mother. One never met hers until she was an adult. There is no sanction against the mother apart from a jail term - … There's my "pity party" for this year. ... access to the child, and (3) skillful use of alienation strategies. Like fruit trees for Haiti, solar cookers, and water filtration systems. You being the one who has belittled her own children because they didn't meet her standards of physical beauty. You have earned your place, deal with it, stop lying about us and let it all go. I have a huge family, & many friends who still are in SHOCK. My ex-husband married an Attorney who makes a Million dollars a year. Then this article is for you. I try everything and she is in her early 20's as I am in my middle 20's. Using a child that was not his and I was not his wife! I have only just come across them term 'Parental Alienation' as there is no information about it in the UK. from The Journal of Family Violence, Volume 10, Number 3, p 253-264, 1995 The courts are fantastic at outlining visitation schedules and child support payments but they draw the line at regulating these amorphous parenting concepts. I hope to have a good mother's day with her. I do have hope. If this is child abuse by him, how do I fight it? It’s true that mothers are more likely to receive custody of their children in a divorce. It's a page in support of fit mothers who have been alienated from their children by their exes. Have you found support yet? Parents who have a child custody order. My mom tried to make me hate my Dad. Kids pick up on that. Feel free to reach out to me via my website if you want more information about parental alienation. I think the family unit is still quite a taboo place to interfere in our culture. Please visit the MAMA page about alienation against mothers. Some of these alienating parents are hateful, spiteful, vengeful people who inflict tremendous pain and suffering on others. Or, if she is just hyper-emotional and scared of losing her child and just not coping well. I try and try and nothing. I sent cards to my daughter and only child. Miss my kids n grandkids! Who say's we must do this? You are probably a mother alienating her child(ren) from their father and trying to justify it ! Too much to deal with. I gave up on taking the high road for so many years because each time my daughters got more hateful. I am a senior now and financially caught in a trap. Any ideas you may have in that regard would be hugely appreciated! Approximately 24 million American children live in biological father-absent homes, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. I am very careful about keeping information libel-free so it has felt so good to write about what I've been through! I don't know where you are, but California law states they should both be living under the same standard of living. I agree, it can be a spouse alienating their spouse from the rest of the family - it happened with my brother. Many adults poison their spouses mind against his or her family too and alienate them and their children from their family groups. It is the father and mother who must stand united; not the child and parent. You can find out more about that on my website www.amyjlbaker.com. I hope you have the same feelings for your abuse too on reading back over the work. My daughter was shouting at me and screaming that she did not want him to go, she said if I made him go she would hate me. I am a father to a beautiful little girl was born in 2014. I think Parental Alienation can be done so insidiously that a parent doesn't even have to out right "say" something bad about the other parent in order to manipulate the child. Also, it is true that mothers-daughters have sometimes complicated relationships. Thirty years before my divorce the signs were already there as explained belowвЂ¦. Or simply look at who is living easier with no debts. ... a broad and deep consensus on children’s needs for both parents and the equal responsibilities of mother and father is … When we see an ex doing something we feel is damaging to a child we need to be able to take a step back and put thought into what striking out at an ex will do to that child. It's mothers day today. Take comfort that you are not alone for simply perhaps being a little naieve. Wishing you well - I though this to be generous as he was not paying any rent. I try to respond to people who comment on my blog when they write about their personal PA story. I also sent a card to the other grandmother..."From one mother-in-law to the other". Get in touch soon ladies and take care. Her comments could be her way of lessening the strife she is living through. My daughter is 19 now, I know she can think very well for herself, but she always chooses her dad over me. Questions to ask are: What is her access situation? It presents a fool proof plan where any woman can use the Family Court, restraining orders, the Department of children and Families, and all of their easily duped people to get your way. I am now embarking on the beginning's of my first book. You can still undermine without bad talking, Parental Alienation/fathers abusing daughters quietly, Planning a 2019 Conference on Parental Alienation, Professional Misunderstanding of Parental Alienation, On FatherвЂ™s Day, Remember the Alienated Father. That is fun, and hopeful, and positive. I have resigned myself to the fact that I will never regain the close relationship we once had. My ex's latest tactic was to tell my sons college that he has now gained full legal custody over him. After a month I felt the relationship was not really going anywhere and needed to move on with my life. Fathers have several options available to them. Are you willing to manipulate the jerk using the system so you really come out on top? You react by automatically taking one side. You know in USA nobody forces you to pick a partner. I'm a mother of two adult sons, one 30 & one 34 with 4 grandkids , witch I have been alienated from, call get know answer or return phone call. I'm actively looking for support myself, so this might help me to find it. One common myth that seems to be "out there" in the world is that parental alienation is something that only happens to fathers and that mothers, because they tend to have residential custody and because (the theory goes) the courts are biased against fathers, rarely lose their kids this way. I am in therapy for this reason.His dad and step-mom play it off well that they got along with me perfectly and treated me splendidly. In my experience an alienating parent needs three things: (1) motive to undermine the child's relationship with the other parent, (2) access to the child, and (3) skillful use of alienation strategies. Manipulative tactics work on adults too. Severe Parental Alienation: A Mental Health Emergency, Parental Alienation and the Bystander Effect, Recent Advances in Understanding Parental Alienation, It's Complicated: The Many Moods of Mother's Day. Boo hooo. I became a certified mediator thinking that it was a communication issue, and I was sure that if I learned every negotiating and communication technique known to man perhaps, I could turn the tide. If the father and mother agree to the name change, the court will usually hold a hearing to confirm that the child wants his name changed, and the name change will be approved. Term 'Parental alienation ' as there is so much pain to her way... N'T seen them for 8 years now my therapist told me who is living easier with no.. 'S of my family against me claiming domestic violence for 8 years now go with some guy who worked. Parents are hateful, spiteful, vengeful people who inflict tremendous pain suffering! To our page and join the MAMA Alliance by LIKING, posting and commenting on the beginning of. Children are now adults him, how sad 's fail-proof guide to ruining your ex using family court worth. Dad is n't the rotten person mom painted me to support moms it each and every day you... 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